Strange relationships and life

We meet a lot of people in our day-to-day life at home, at workplace, on traveling, in neighborhood etc., and we communicate with each other forming some relation. The human interpersonal relationships are the most complex aspect of human behavioral science. We have a family - interpersonal relations with kins who are associated to you by genetics(Parents and siblings) and relatives - established by marriages, who help you morally and emotionally(In-laws,Aunts,Uncles) and friends - who trust, have similar likings, and most importantly accept you the way you are.

We can't choose the family we want to be born with but we choose our friends all the way through our lifetime. This human bonding with others seem very simple as we enjoy each others company when we are together. We take things for granted as we don't have any rules and regulations to be friends with and have assumptions of how others value it and what they seek from us. There is no contract or any penal law written about the relationship called friendship. In the journey of life as we move on, we make new friends and forget some old ones but there remains only a handful of close, closer,closest - a diminishing concentric circular scale of numbers and a "sole soul" standing in the center of that circle.

When it comes to being with family, again there is a form of mutual dependency created even if we don't choose to be with. There are some responsibilities and duties associated with each of the family member that he/she is expected to show to the other members of family. Siblings are together with parents for longer than childhood and as soon as they start earning and make their own family they are gone away. There are nuclear families present now because we desire to live and make our own living with the expenditures and our family earnings only. Sad but true that, We do not even want to share our living with siblings who are at a different socio-economic status than what we are now. How beautiful was the childhood when we even did not think of such things. I think, We are together only as long as we are parasitic to this institution called family - A group of people purposefully motivated to stay together for a major part of their lifetime who neither can't think of being benefited to live separate nor think of anything better solution otherwise.

We call this a "real life" - birth, childhood, education, work, marriage, children, bitterness, feeling of having lost so many things, wishing to go back past 30 years in life, frustration, illness, disability, old age, dependency on others, loneliness, death.

I read in one of the writings a few days back about the very contradictions in our human life. We urge to grow up so fast and long for our lost childhood on our way. Make ourselves ill earning money and spend all our money getting well again. We worry so much about future and never try to live in the present. We live as if we are never going to die, but we die as if we never lived.

My Grandpa, A true story

Today evening, my mom was watching the opening of the movie named "Me and my dream"(Naanu.. nanna kanasu), a remake of tamil movie "Abhiyum naanum". Several actors were made to read out letters to their young kids about love and care for their little daughter which is the basic theme of the movie, A dad giving all that he can to his lovely daughter. Mom (as always!) being highly emotional and sensitive was taken back to her childhood memories and those old day memories just flashed by her eyes. Mom and I, being close friends, She shared her childhood story with me.

This story is two generations older and hence may seem very unrealistic to some but happening in all our lives.
Story line starts somewhere in 1960's when mom was in her school days. She was the latest addition to grandpa's family, I mean really late coz she was completing her tenth grade when grandpa retired at the age of 58 years! Hmmm... seems like no family planning soon after independence :P Well, If it was there I wouldn't have been here to say this ;)

It was a family of 8 people; Grandpa, his mother, Grandma, two aunts and two uncles elder to mom and my mom. They all lived happily in a posh villa in the area known as Malleshwaram. Even today it is being called the same after decades of development in Bangalore. To me atleast some places like Gandhi bazaar, DVG road of Basavanagudi, MG road in central Bangalore, 8th cross of Malleshwaram, Jayanagar 4th block hangouts should remain the same even after centuries.

Is there something like lived-happily-ever-after as in fairy tales!? Nope certainly not, coz this is real life. Betrayal, deception and cunning nature of some people inside the family rips it apart into pieces and that is the exact reason why I haven't seen one of my maternal aunts till now!(Anyway, That's another long story!) Grandpa lost his own beautiful house in this gambling of others! At this time, Mom was doing her second year BSc in MES college. (Even I did my pre-university at the same college :D)

Every father's thought of crossing all her daughters to safe house (its called Marriage! here) crossed my grandpa's mind and no sooner he was into action. Dad's family had come to visit the Mom's family in Malleshwaram and like every other bollywood movie the police came with a court notice on the that same auspicious day! Grandpa somehow managed to drive off the policeman but not the situation impending in about a month. There is a saying in kannada - "Nooru sullu heLiyaadharu madhuve maadu" meaning "Do marry even if it necessitates 100 lies". God knows why they people earlier used to take so much risks! Hmmm.. Not so different in our situation where we see lots of fake love, fake assurances and fake promises. Everybody lies and many of them flirt!

Before the house was bid for sale, Marriage was successfully carried out and the last burden(!) on Grandpa's shoulder had come down. Mom said that grandpa had asked - "What is my purpose of life next? I am done with all my responsibilities", after undergoing a lot of financial and emotional turmoil in the recent years.

Then comes the most dangerous part of life called old-age where children are supposed to take care of their elders. But as the favorite inglorious quote says, "where there is a WILL only then there are family members" comes into play. Inheritance of property causes a kinda civil war between sons and no sooner did grandpa decide to move into an aashram(Old-age home) at his own willingness together with his mother. It was quite a daring task to leave the small family to join a bigger family! But with all the energy, the young spirit and his back-end support called pension, he was able to move-on. Not only did he change but he was also able bring a reform in the aashram activities. He had been to Himalayas several times with his good old friends amongst all this. He started a new wing in aashram and audited the whole of it for more than 14 years. I have been there several times when I was a small kid. I had cried and somehow managed to bring home his hand lens which was used to read newspaper by him. I now apologize for giving you a lot of trouble grandpa. Every time mom sees my elder brother in his half sleeve shirts, she is perplexed to see you standing there. No doubt everybody sees their own parents in their kids. This post is a salute to my late grandpa who has been a brave heart and yet soo kind hearted too which makes my mom often say that "He was the best papa in the world" in a childish tone :)