Fortress of solitude

A lot of people around me get freaked out by my silence. I guess, They often think what is wrong with this "lone lonely loner"! Some around me ask me to be more expressive. I get tired of people asking me - "Why are you so much quiet?" whenever I try to mix with people in a group. But very close friends of mine tell me not to change and be just the way you are!

I am happy not being a very social animal. Even being put in a big social group at family wedding/some party I feel a lot deserted! I will have very short replies for people's (irritating) questions and do enjoy killing time in analyzing everyone's reaction and body language. Social contact seems like burden to me most of the times. Majority of the society is too loud and outgoing.

I am totally bad in front of a crowd. I have my own fears to talk to a bunch of people. It would be much easier to give a technical talk than general talk as analytical part of your brain filters out any impractical words come out of your mouth! Sometimes I go blank in talking what is expected out of me, sometimes I even stammer with all the nervousness. It all depends on the exposure of the world around that I got when I was young. Well, I face my fears till today every time I am being laughed at and made fun. I fight my own fears only by facing them regularly.

Being an introvert loner is not so bad at all. It's cool when I don't attract much attention. I feel that I'm on my own and I'm free. I don't have to care about what people will think about me. I don't have to be the "life" of the party to enjoy all the action going around. I have a lot of time to spend for myself and most importantly it helps me to work independently as a individual contributor even though I work in a team. I don't make enemies with anyone. I am good at burying a lot of secrets within myself. I get to go for solo bullet rides exploring around which helps me to get along with nature more closely. When people get my trust they have a real friend in making.

The bad thing about being a loner is that when you are tested with a lot of emotional turbulence you tend to easily lose yourself! One has to be strong not to let it overcome and become a phobia or a disorder of any kind.

I dedicate this random thought to millions of people around who live(or agree to) in their fortress of solitude. :)

Abstract dreams and subconscious mind

I am sure everyone have had some kinda dreams which makes no sense to them which they can't even recollect after getting awake but I think they have some implicit meaning behind them which we even even don't know of.

Yesterday, I had one such absurd(!) dream in which of-course, as in everybody else's dream, I was playing a lead role and as always it was highly colorful than the recent HD movies! :P

You are sure going to call me crazy after reading the whole story below :D

I don't remember where it all started. But in my dream, I was a kinda pharaoh. A bunch of other Egyptian/(or were they Roman! coz I'm not sure of the dress I imagined) guys were playing the game of cricket(!) and I was at fielding at the cover position. Not to be surprised, we were playing the game in the middle of the desert! I caught a cover drive shot diving and landed on the sand which swallowed me in as if it was quicksand. I fell into a circular concavity which led to a pathway of stairs below which inturn led into a dungeon. I saw some familiar faces been captured behind the bars and thought of rescuing them. Soon the jailer and his men attacked me to lock me in. I escaped fighting them out and saw one peculiar semi-sphere with some old odd inscriptions on it. Some resembled the shape of humans and some others were unseen unheard language writings. As I escaped and resurfaced the sand I was on the other side of the boundary line! All the fellow fielders were puzzled and asked me what had happened. I had just seen a portal to new dimension. I had traveled through space and time and broke that continuum. None believed me. No sooner everyone felt earthquake, sand storm coming. That huge semi-sphere emerged out of nowhere in the center of the pitch and storm drove us all away from the feet. Nothing to hold onto we were all in air-borne in seconds and soon I could no longer experience it turning into a nightmare, I got up.Sigh!

Human mind is really so creative. I am amazed how the brain relates our past visual experiences of books(fiction)/movies(action and thriller)/games(RPG)/dress/emotions into a nonsense dream to get the body and mind the required rest. I read articles about the understanding of sleep patterns and dreaming. I came across an interesting article which explained the REM state of sleep which does help in reprogramming the brain in offline state disconnecting us from sensory input and paralyzing the muscles of our body. The chemical locha in the brain connects a special way to reality by creating a lightning speed of perceptions metaphorically to match with whatever we choose to imagine as an environment. But I am surprised to see how I remember so much of my dream. Most of the dreams are meant to be forgotten by the time we get up but I made myself aware that I am dreaming which somehow got a connecting link between the subconscious and conscious in the cortex of the brain!

Why do I think a lot even about bizarre dream!? anyway, Good night and Sweeeeet dreams :)